Stop Shopping Everywhere: The Case for "Monogamous" Buying

I Stopped Being a Customer and Became a Client.

I grew up with limited financial resources, so for a long time, my relationship with money was defined by accumulating it and saving it aggressively. I viewed shopping as a game where the goal was to catch the sale. There was a specific thrill in owning a high-quality item only because I had managed to "steal" it at a price I could feasibly afford. I had no concept of loyalty. I was a customer, anonymous and often frustrated by the hidden costs of the lowest price: longer lines, poorer customer services, the change fees that come when you have no standing with a brand, etc.

The shift began in 2018 when my work travel substantially increased. I stopped chasing the cheapest flights and started to consider the benefits that came with consolidating my loyalty. While I once thought shop hopping saved me money, I realized that true loyalty offers a different kind of ROI. Working with one airline gave me the opportunity to accumulate points and grow in loyalty status. I encountered fewer change fees when my itinerary needed to be adjusted, I gained access to airport lounges, so I very rarely had to buy airport food, I was often upgraded and given meals in flights. I then could use my miles for pleasure travel or gifts to family.  All of these benefits and often the other airlines were only a few dollars cheaper. I learned the convenience and peace of mind are worth far more than the few dollars saved by shopping around.

The Discount Chase	The Relationship Shift
Goal: Lowest price possible	Goal: Highest value/experience
Feeling: Exhausted, anonymous	Feeling: Seen, valued, prioritized
Outcome: A "good deal"	Outcome: A "good life"

This evolution followed me into fashion, a space where I once felt like an outsider. I remember walking onto the shoe floor at Saks and meeting Ladji. I was still in the space of seeking discounts aggressively but meeting him was game changing. He was incredibly patient, offered honest feedback, and made me feel more like a friend than a customer. One day, after I bought a few pairs too many & he helped me with my bags, walking me from the seventh floor all the way to my car parked three blocks away. Over the years, our relationship grew to where he would give me a heads up when a shoe I had my eye on was about to go on sale.

The shift deepened at Bergdorf Goodman with a stylist named Jeri. When I first walked into the store shopping for a Met Gala after party, I was timid. I had previously dated someone who even told me I was a terrible dresser, which left me insecure about how I showed up. Everything felt out of reach because of the stories in my head about things being "too expensive". I met Jeri in a boutique inside the store on the second floor called Noir, and even though I felt out of my league, she made me feel like I was in exactly the right place. She sought to understand my event and pulled options that made me feel like a 20 out of 10. Our relationship grew over the years and now, when I walk into the store, it is a full experience. She often has champagne ready, and whether I buy something or just come in to catch up, she makes me feel like a VIP.

When you shop just to save a few pennies, you often don’t even know who benefits from the entire transaction. When you work with a professional in a luxury setting, you are supporting a real-life person who benefits from your purchase and, in return, invests in your lifestyle. Last Christmas, my stylist at Bergdorf, Jeri, sent me a beautiful Schiaparelli candle holder as a gift. That level of intentionality does not exist in the world of bargain hunting. I also built a relationship with Christina at Fwrd where I get incredible benefits as well. Because of these relationships, I sat front row at many New York Fashion Week shows this year, experiencing the vision of designers like Sergio Hudson, Monse, Aknvas, Grace Ling, and LaQuan Smith.

We often think of networking as something confined to the career ladder, but true relationship building should touch every facet of our lives. I have worked with the same hairstylist for thirteen years, the same laser esthetician since 2015, the same makeup artist for almost as long, because I value the strength of a long-term partnership. I have unsubscribed from the discount websites and committed to consuming less, choosing instead to buy pieces I love from people I trust. I stopped being a consumer and I became a client, and in the process, I’m having better experiences and somehow still saving.