How to Master Difficult Conversations

The only way to get better at hard conversations is to have them.

I used to dread difficult conversations. My nervous system would hijack me. My heart would race, I would feel nauseous, and my instinct was to run. For a long time I wished there was a book or a course that would make that feeling go away. Looking back, the only thing that made me better at hard conversations was having them.

It works the way the gym does. The first time you pick up a weight, it feels heavier than it should and you're sore for days. You keep going back, and after enough reps the same weight feels manageable and you're ready to add more.

My reps have looked like the grueling work of having to tell an employee that we were no longer a good fit for each other. They've looked like ending a relationship with a client who was rude and kept crossing boundaries, demanding more money after multiple years without a rate increase, and pushing back when a client commented on my attire.

I haven't become desensitized to any of it. I still feel the weight of a hard conversation. What I have now is enough practice to know I can get through one. Now, when I know one is coming, I calm my nervous system and prepare my points. I also lean on something my mom taught me years ago:

"Leaders do hard things."

It's simple, and it's true. If there's a conversation you've been putting off, having it is how the next one gets easier.